Smile....or not

My Dove candies were speaking to me today, and one of them made me chuckle right out loud. The inside wrapper said, "The best holiday decoration is a smile." Well isn't that sweet? Where do the Dove people come up with these? I think they should get together with the Snapple people, as well as Mr. Vitamin Water and write a book of deep thoughts. Maybe Jack Handy is available. He was always so witty.

*****

Anyway, I got to thinking about this little nugget of inspiration. Yes! The best holiday decoration really IS a smile! I'll buy that! But then my brain was overtaken by the Jeff Foxworthy standup that I had just seen, and I kept replaying a line from his act. "If people accuse you of lying through your tooth, you might be a redneck." This brings me to my little candy wrapper, and the melding of my thoughts. When might a smile NOT be the best holiday decoration? Here's what I've come up with...

*****

If you've been accused of lying through your tooth, your smile might not be the best holiday decoration.
If you have just eaten a lunch that consists of broccoli, spinach, and Oreo cookies for dessert, your smile might not be the best holiday decoration.
If "head gear" or "retainer" are in your dental vocabulary, your smile might not be the best holiday decoration.
If you have just chewed one of those cool red tablets to see how well you brush, your smile might not be the best holiday decoration.
If your favorite sport is hockey, your smile might not be the best holiday decoration.

*****

That's what I came up with. If you have others, I'd love to hear them. Maybe we can write to Dove and get a jump on next year's wrappers. In any case, I hope that your Christmas was decorated lavishly with many smiling faces (sans broccoli).

My Inspiration

My love with his loves:
Jack and The Tree
(All of which provide me with plenty to blog about!)

Blog Blockage...

The latest Ebay purchase

All week I've been trying to come up with a sharp, witty blog entry. To be honest, it has been a toughy. I've been feeling the effects of Blog Blockage, and I don't think this can be eased with Advil Cold and Sinus. Darn.

I suppose I could write about our latest tree topper fiasco. But really, who wants to hear me complain about how the hubby ordered a "star" for our tree on Ebay without telling me? I mean, do you really want to hear that he told me about this little purchase as I was sitting at the computer, desperately browsing through Facebook (and totally distracted)? Do you care that it happened to be the same star of wonder that a few days before I laughed out loud at? The tree topper that has a snazzy border of gold tinsel framing it? The tree topper that was "gently" used and sold in an estate sale? The one from 1970-something? The one that cost $9.99 with $6.00 shipping and handling? Didn't think so.

And I'm sure you wouldn't want to hear about how, when it was left on the stoop (a gift from God?) my dear husband tore through the cardboard box, threw the plastic Piggly Wiggly bags that cushioned this precious star on the floor, and was as giddy as Ralphie opening his Red Rider BB gun. Seriously. This isn't made up.

I couldn't leave out the fact that my wonderful husband said that this star was absolutely perfect, in great working order, except for the one burned out light. And I wouldn't even get into the details of the argument that ensued, because in my opinion, one blown light on a $17.oo, 30 something-year old, Charlie Brown looking Christmas star is one too many. Especially considering that my lovely beau jumped straight into the car to buy new lights to "re-twinkle" our twinkle-less topper. In my estimation that puts us at 20 total dollars, but who's counting?

I definitely wouldn't mention that when my husband said, "This star is really well made, I bet it lasts for a long time!" that my response was, "Yep, you're right, because it already has 30 years of lighting experience."

No, no, that blog post just won't do. It's one light short of a twinkle topper. I suppose I'll try again next week.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, How Steadfast are Your Dumplings!

Pierogi Ornament
(also found on our Polish Christmas tree)

I'll Tell You a Tale of Two Bubble Lights

Bubble lights are highly under-rated. Not only do they twinkle, as all good Christmas lights should, but they also bubble. They bubble. Now, I may have been living under a rock for the past 29 years, but I didn't realize that these little globes of Christmas splendor actually heat up and boil the colored liquid inside. I suppose I thought that bubble lights were more of a magic trick or something. Maybe they were filled with soap bubbles? Bubble gum? I don't know. In any case, I was way wrong. And when I began dating JH, I was introduced to the true meaning of holiday lighting. Boy was I amazed. Converted, even. My world was changed over night.

Naturally we at the Herold household have bubble lights on our tree. Well, we have two bubble lights. We didn't want to get too out of hand.

Alright, alright, I know what you're thinking. Anyone who has spoken with me in the last few days knows that the last paragraph was written completely sarcastically. Because, when it comes to Christmas tree decorating, Mr. Herold does get a little silly. I mean, the man told me that he thought the 5 strands of lights on the (one) tree weren't enough. "Maybe I should go out and get another strand," he told me on Thanksgiving evening (we had already been to Meijer once that night buying lights. I was NOT going out there again). "Doesn't the top look empty?" Now, let me put it to you this way. If it were up to me, our tree would have three strands of clear lights, a bow on the top, and perhaps a few nice orb-shaped ornaments. That's it. This tree has strands of rainbow lights, big ones, small ones, and of course...bubble lights. I'm not even going to get into the amount of ornaments it has, because to be frank, most of them are not mine. Anyway, my delicate response was, "You must be crazy," and I went upstairs to decorate the banister with garland and poinsettia lights (ok, ok, maybe the hubby isn't the only one with a light obsession).

In all fairness, he was right. The top was a little bare. And the more I looked at that tree, the more I noticed it. Could we stretch the lights out? Maybe throw a snazzy strand of metallic garland on it and be done? Nope. So yesterday, we went out to buy a tree topper (maybe this would avert the eyes from our tree's bald spot?) We went to several great stores, but couldn't find anything that suited both of us. At one point the hubby picked out one that seriously reminded me of my grandma's Christmas decorations, which was a nice sentimental moment, but not what we were going for. Finally, at our last stop, we found something we both liked. A tin star, with ten tiny lights twinkling through (are you surprised?) We were both happy, and that was what was most important. We got home, put together our new purchase, and "OOooed" and "AAaahed" at how beautiful the tree looked, especially with that sweet new topper (that was the farthest thing from Polish that we could find, may I remind you). We smiled and went on our merry way. That is, until I heard, "Ah geez, we have a problem Jenny!" from the basement. Turns out our beautiful little star lasted all of twenty minutes before it blew it's fuse and busted. Guess what? The stinkin' star was Polish after all!

So here we are, our Polish Christmas tree with bubbling lights, a bald spot, and more ornaments than you'd want to imagine. And you know what? I absolutely love it.